Posts Tagged ‘Interpersonal relationship’

De-mystifying the mystery: Emotionally unavailable

The former logo of the event, which was used f...

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In my roamings through online dating I’ve begun to notice that women are acting more and more like men. More women are looking to hit it and quit it. Wham bam thank you man.

Is it a good thing? I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure that women weren’t raised and developed socially to do this, like men have been. Where it’s expected that men enter into one night stands, knowing full well that after the sex is done the relationship is over, it’s still pretty odd to hear about this with women. It’s usually assumed that the woman is duped or naively lead into thinking that there is the possibility of an emotional connection in the future. I was very surprised to hear disappointment from some men in the online dating community that more women are using them for sex.

That’s when I heard the term “emotionally unavailable”. A girl would throw themselves at a guy, then if the guy wanted to take the next step into a relationship, the female response would have to do with being emotionally unavailable. The guys were understandably confused. Why would anyone go on a dating website when they weren’t actually interested in a relationship?

Sorry guys. When she says she’s emotionally unavailable, what she means is that she’s unavailable to you. Even if you weren’t a one night stand, women are not trained on how to tell someone they’re just not interested. So we’ve found a catch phrase that sounds better than “you’re a loser” or “you were a lot cuter before I had an orgasm.” But don’t feel bad, you both had a night of fun. She cared enough about you to try to be nice.

De-mystifying the mystery: He likes me too much

Cinderella - Prince Charming & Cinderella

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Women love attention. Good, bad, indifferent, we love to be given your time.

But then how can there ever be the problem, ‘He likes me too much’?¬†We like your attention, is there really such a thing as liking someone too much?

Here’s my experience: When dating a guy I would classify as liking me too much the problem is not that he likes me. It’s easy to like me. It’s easy to like anyone in the beginning, when everything is new and exciting. When you don’t know the other person well and are free to fill in all the blank spots with Prince Charming‘s resume. The problem is that he doesn’t realize that he doesn’t know me. He walks around in a dreamy, love struck haze, believing everything is great. When, in reality, he’s just in love with the idea of you. Or infatuated with the idea of love.

I’m seeing a guy who I’ve known for many years but have only really gotten to know a few weeks. Over the years, we were never closer than casual flirtation and occasional social interaction. We have intimate nights snuggling on the couch, which I like. But while just hanging out, watching a movie, he’ll sigh loudly every ten to twenty minutes. At first it was cute, but it’s becoming annoying.

The sigh is a sign of contentment over our time together. I should be flattered and encouraged by the sigh. But I don’t think that the sigh has very much to do with me in the physical present. It feels like he’s showing off. It feels like he’s content in the idea of me and the future he’s laid out in his mind for us. So indulgent in the sensation of liking something, that the reality of me and our actual relationship doesn’t factor in.

He’s so proud of starting a relationship that he’s told many of his friends and family about our time together. He tells me how he’s told this person and that about me. But, what does he actually know about me? Very little. He doesn’t stop to see that I am not goofy eyed for him because he’s too distracted by the possibilities of being with a girl who is goofy for him. In short, he likes me too much.