Posts Tagged ‘Romance’

New dating rules: Love ’em, use ’em, figure it out

Disc golf basket

Image via Wikipedia

In this new age of online dating, feminine empowerment, and culture changes, the rules on dating have become fuzzy. One of my favorite rule changes is the emergence of the ‘hang out’ date or for some, the ‘activity’ date. Two people engage in an activity together and they call that shared time a date. Activities give you the chance to not only get to know their personality, but you can observe the more subtle or hidden personal traits.

Since I’m a fan of frisbee golf, and I’m not too shabby at it, I’m a fan of the frolf date. It’s physical, so you don’t have to dress up(actually it gives you an excuse to dress down, and possibly show off your best physical assets). It’s casual, you can talk,  if you want to avoid a conversation there’s always the excuse that you have to run after your disk. You can admire your partners physical form(boys like to take off their shirts when it’s hot) and observe how they move(important info for the bedroom). And, you see how competitive they are and how they deal with that pressure. I just like to play without keeping score, but I like to recognize when me or my partner make a good shot. If he’s too competitive, or too talkative, or annoying in general, I know he’s not right for me. It’s not that frisbee golf is that important to me that a potential guy MUST be awesome to play with. If he goes with the flow of the game and we get along, that shows me that he can observe and adapt to me and the changes around us. If he annoys me, then he’s either not perceptive or he’s just annoying.

Traditional dates are still useful too. But, you have to remember that traditional rules do apply. Show up to dinner and a movie wearing something nice, or at least something casual nice. Hold conversation in the right places(ex: not during the movie). Use your good manners.

I have been on both of these dates with the new possible guy and I’ve decided that I don’t want to see him anymore.

On our frolf date, he didn’t show up to the right place, even though he had been to the course before. Instead of parking at the first hole of the course, I had to call him to find out that he had parked on the other side of the park. Annoyance #1. Then, he talked at all the wrong times, stopping in the middle of the fairway to finish a story, while the group behind us waited. Annoyance #2. And, when he wasn’t stopping in the middle of the fairway to talk, he only communicated in catch phrases and kitschy sayings. Done in the right way they would have been funny, but he did it the whole time. Sometimes he would say something as if it were a funny saying but really it was just a statement, not novel or witty as his delivery would suggest. Annoyance #3. But, because he seemed like a nice guy and I didn’t want to be mean, I agreed to go out to the movies.

I showed up to the date in my nice jeans and a sexy tank top. He was waiting for me in camo pants and a hockey jersey. #1. Then, he walked really fast  to the concession bar, leaving me a good five steps behind. #2. During the movie, he tried to talk to me a few times. I didn’t laugh or respond to his non funny quips. And then he asked, “Where’s your hand? Can I hold your hand?” At first I tried to change the subject by making a comment about the movie, but after a few minutes he asked a second time, and I said no. #3.

He didn’t ask me out again as we were saying goodbye. I’m a coward, but I was really glad I didn’t have to turn him down to his face. I was hoping he got the hit. He mentioned that he would see me later, and I just said goodbye. He said he’d talk to me later, I just said goodbye… Even though I wouldn’t let him hold my hand… I just shrugged. But, he texted me later about how our tickets stubs had a coupon for a local cupcake shop that we could use. I didn’t respond. He asked if I made it home alright. I responded that I did.

He might have gotten the hint, he hasn’t called or texted today. It’s a relief really. I’m not ready to date, especially not ready to date guys I don’t want to be dating. It was dumb to pursue anything at all. But I don’t feel I’ve learned my lesson. I know that I need time alone for me right now, but the prospect of meeting someone is so exciting. A proper rebound to cheer me up and reassure me. But I try to be better, I try to get better.

Advertisements

I’ve met someone?

Icon from Nuvola icon theme for KDE 3.x.

Image via Wikipedia

I might have called Match sad, but I’ve actually been talking to a man I met there. Not really sure how I feel about him yet. We have plenty in common. We’ve talked on the phone several times. We’ve been out twice… But I don’t feel the spark. We stay on the phone way too long, having terribly boring conversations about the minutiae of our lives. When out to dinner it’s just like being on the phone, we have things to talk about, but it eventually it feels strained. Like I’m being interviewed.

Reading that back it sounds like I do know how I feel about him. The truth is, he’s a pleasant distraction. He seems like a decent guy, with his own small goals, who’s very invested in his family. Sounds pretty great.

I feel nothing for him sexually. If I had felt sexual chemistry, I’d probably have nailed him already. My fear is that there is chemistry and that I’m just too distracted and upset by my breakup that my sexy emitters are broken. And, my fear is that there is no chemistry, and I’ll let a good guy go. AND, my fear is that I’m trying to justify not having chemistry so that I’ll stick it out and start a new relationship. A relationship that I’ll hate eventually.

It’s just talking and a couple dates. I’ve decided keep my thoughts on the back burner and just let him be nice to me. If something grows, it grows. If we start turning into the most boring couple ever, then I’ll put the kibosh to our becoming a couple at all. Definitely need to keep the phone calls to a minimum. Texting has the potential of being more flirtatious anyway.