Posts Tagged ‘Sexual fantasy’

Porn: The up and down sides from my view

anal sex - he didnt even kiss me goodnight!

Image by no-frills marilyn. via Flickr

It seems strange that I would be posting about porn with all the new stuff going on in my life. But I suppose the issues I’m currently having with my boyfriend have burned so deep into my thoughts that writing about anything else would be skirting the elephant in the room.

As a girlfriend, I don’t mind porn. If I’m not there when he’s horny, or I’m just not feeling like messing around, go ahead and watch porn. If it is true that men think about sex more than women, then I think watching porn and masturbation is a normal and necessary function. I don’t generally watch porn by myself (I have yet to find the porn that’s marketed to women), usually its to start things off with my man. But I enjoy watching it with my boyfriend. Or rather, I enjoy listening to it more than seeing the actual sex.

That’s where I start to see the downside. I don’t enjoy the actual watching of porn. It’s obviously fake, not just because it’s a porn, but the acting is terrible and the sex scenes long and complicated. Basically, when I put myself in the actresses place, I would hate all the position changes, I would be getting dry and sore. To genuinely like porn, it would have to be medium to soft core, with a plot. Maybe I’m missing the point, but that’s how I feel.

What bothers me most is the effect that porn is having on my guy’s sexual fantasies and his expectation that these fantasies should be brought into reality. More directly, he wants me to do girl-on-girl, and he wants me to do anal.

First, regardless of how I feel about women and lesbian sex, I am in a relationship. If I wanted some strange, male or female, I wouldn’t be dating someone. It started off as a funny joke, after repeated reminders that he would really like me to make it with a girl I considered it briefly. But he just kept bringing it up,

“I’ll just have to get you drunk and introduce you to more girls.”

YES! Because when I choose to sleep with someone, what I really want it to be with a random person I just drunkenly met at the bar. When I have my first lesbian experience, I want it to be meaningless and purely for the enjoyment of the man I’m dating.

It’s one thing to have a fantasy, it’s another to periodically remind your girlfriend, as if by not fulfilling the fantasy she isn’t fulfilling your sexual needs. If she’s not fucking another chick, does your girlfriend really care?

And the anal sex. At the beginning of our relationship I was strictly anti-anal. Then he brought it up again and again, repeating that it wouldn’t hurt if I relaxed. Which only sounded like he was calling me uptight for not being sexually open enough. And eventually I considered that I wasn’t being sexually open and I decided to try it. I was lubed, I was relaxed and ready to go… and he stuck his dick in me so hard, so fast that it felt like he had just stabbed me.

He apologized and gave me some time, but eventually he went right back to prodding me and telling me it wouldn’t hurt if I relaxed. And that felt like he was telling me I wasn’t trying hard enough.

I know I’ve just told these stories, and maybe I haven’t made a strong case for why they’re connected to porn. I think that the saturation of girl-on-girl and anal sex in hard-core porn gives men a notion that these are normal and/or standard practice when in reality they are asking too much of women. Or at least, my boyfriend is asking too much of me.

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